i am so terrible at keeping up with writing in a blog. i still do not like the word blog.

life is maybe not so interesting lately, but i do love fall very much. i think this summer went too fast. i don't know if it was as iconic as other summers. but maybe it will start to be that way the farther i get from it in time. there's always those songs of summer and they're starting to make themselves apparent for the summer of 2009. i wish i had time to do things besides work and school and homework. it's all very boring. and then when i get home all i want to do is sleep. i really really like sleeping lately, which is weird because i don't usually like sleeping. i remember when i used to like writing and i wish i still did.

i hung up some maps on the wall and this place is starting to feel more like home, but i don't like how messy it is and how cold it is and how there isn't very much sunlight, especially when the painters are here and they cover up the windows with big strips of brown paper and barely any light can get in at all. i hate having to use electric lighting all of the time. it makes me feel very drained. like maybe i am made of light and i need to suck it in through my pores to be active. like a plant or something. maybe i am like a plant.

brian and i had our one year anniversary in august, august 20th, i don't know if i talked about that. i am really happy about that.

you know, i don't think that person i thought was dead is actually dead and i am not sure if i am more scared of him being dead or him being alive. i don't know what to do past think about it so i try not to think about it because it isn't very productive now is it.

i would like to be a healthy person. i would like to get a tape player and some books on tape and then go running and walking and just listen to stories. but i don't have time for anything except work and school and homework. it is not a very satisfying lifestyle. i am dissatisfied with my level of production. i don't think i make very much out of anything. and plus i am a horrible procrastinator.

for halloween i am going to visit some friends in central illinois and i am very excited. i will take a train, and i love train rides. i will make some mix cds. or maybe i will have an ipod by then and i could just listen to that. but i really like being on public transportation and listening to music on very large headphones and looking out the window. in the city at night is lonely and wistful and beautiful and simple, and in the fall in the countryside with the light flickering fast through the trees rushing by is rushed hopeful and invigorating. i wish there were a hundred hours in a day. i wish i didn't love the way it feels to sleep. i like to be inside a world of soft and warm. i want to make a fort.

i very much need a photography friend to drive around and take pictures with. that is if i had time for anything. i don't understand why i am so bored of music lately. i am happy but i am very restless.

and farewell to the girl with the sun in her eyes

tom waits - old shoes (and picture postcards)


  1. i need a photography friend too. someone to motivate/be inspired by. i happen to have a car. its just broken at the moment haha...i am a horrible procrastinator and I hattteee it. I feel like I never make anything anymore. Its a shame. Life is much less interesting this way.

  2. if your car gets fixed or if i ever get a car we should be photography adventure friends. :]

  3. agreed! I am moving from Chicago to Rockford next month, all my friends have moved away or moved on. I'm a bit nervous about the change, it will be fun!

  4. ohh haha weird, i grew up in rockford! i lived in chicago for awhile too, and now i live in the suburbs right in the middle of the two.

  5. I think I originally found your flickr through a friend so it would make sense to live near by. I move like every 6 months. Ive been all over Chicago and the suburbs. I dont know. we will see. Anyways less driving then! Also, I love the picture of the logs!

  6. those photographs are stunning - did you take them?
    you might not think it, but your writing is amazing and inspiring

  7. Hi. I grew up in Rockford and I can't believe that you did too. Rockford! What a goofy place. My family is still there... on my next visit (I'm in New Mexico now) maybe we can go out shooting. Pictures, not guns. :) You have a set on Flickr from Orth Road. It's like a mile from my parents house. So weird to see that. Sleep if it feels good. There will come a chapter when you can't sleep so I say do it while it's do-able.

  8. Fantastic photos - I love their warm, soft nature. U got talent girl!

  9. sweetheart our bodies need vitamin D from the sunlight so you DO need light. besides that... fluorescent lighting is bad for your skin it causes premature aging...

    [thank you aveda institute for teaching me things]

  10. love these photos. i'm in the chicago area and always looking for good places to go on photo adventures. i always wonder where some the site you shoot are at. i found you via flickr. and such great great photos you take! :)

  11. I love the photos. Will you dress up for Halloween? I think you would make a very good ghost or something.
    Do you remember me, btw? I made that little altered book which had some of your photos in it. I received a very good mark on it. :) If you dont remember its ok.
    have a lovely day. xx

  12. your photographs are wonderful. like, really, truly great.

  13. beautiful.
    that photo of you and your boy is gorgeous.
    i love reading your posts

  14. I need a photography friend too. :c badly.
    come to wisconsin :D

  15. i absolutely love your photography x




My photo
illinois, United States
the fabulous destiny of cari ann wayman

all pictures by me unless otherwise stated.
all music is for sampling purposes only. please buy the records. if you are a musician and want your song removed, let me know.